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All That Matters (AU)
by subplotter (subplotter)
at August 31st, 2007 (08:20 pm)

current mood: gloomy
current song: "Dreaming With a Broken Heart" - John Mayer

Title: All That Matters
Author: subplotter
Pairing: Mace/Capa
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Man sex, dubious consent, character death, AU, and the slightest hint of atheism--all in 1,000+ words.  Oh, and there are also spoilers (although you probably shouldn't be reading this if you haven't seen the movie).
Disclaimer: None of it's mine, and I'm definitely not making any money.
A/N: I was looking up the effects of carbon dioxide poisoning (i.e. effects of oxygen depletion on board Icarus) because I intended to write some sort of Mapa story and was fishing for inspiration.  As Wikipedia will often cause me to do, I clicked through a few links and found the symptoms of a panic attack, which is in turn one of the symptoms of CO2 poisoning.  This is an AU story in which the mission is successful but they still run out of oxygen...just so you know.  Also, it's pretty depressing because I was depressed when I wrote it (although there's some happy stuff too!).

All That Matters

When Mace found Trey, it took what little compassion he had and buried it deep inside him.  They needed to deliver the payload; they needed to complete their mission.  It was all that mattered.  But somehow, Capa had snuck his way into the back of Mace's mind, and when they had fought--it had all been Capa's fault--Mace had felt something.

They shared a room because if there was a God, Mace thought, he wanted Mace to suffer.  And what was worse, Capa was there when Mace had come in search of somewhere to be alone.

"Can't you go to the payload or something?" he said as he flopped onto the bed adjacent to Capa's.

"No."  It was evident in his voice that Capa was still angry from the fight, which had happened but a few minutes ago.

"I want to be alone."

"So did I."

Mace sighed.  He knew that neither would relinquish the room, so he turned toward the wall and closed his eyes.  "Just be quiet," he said.

And Capa was...for a time.  Mace couldn't relax his mind with him in the room, and it didn't help when Capa said, "I couldn't have known what would happen.  I just couldn't have."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Well I don't want you to be angry with me."

"Too bad."  Mace sat up and stood in one swift movement and advanced on Capa.  He grabbed the other man's arms and pulled him up into a standing position as well.  His grip remained firm, and Capa winced.  When Mace spoke, his voice was low, venomous.  "It doesn't matter that I hate you.  The mission is all that matters, Capa, and after that, you're going to die.  We're all going to die.  And if I had it my way..."--he gave Capa's body a jerk--"...I'd be doing the killing."

"When we left Earth, how long had it been since you'd had sex?"

"What?"  Mace gripped Capa's arms tighter, and Capa grunted.

"You heard me," he said, his voice strained.

"A month or two."

"Is that all?"

Mace let go and turned his back to Capa.  He didn't know where this was leading, but he didn't like it.

"It'd been almost a year for me," Capa said.

Mace turned around again.  "Seriously?"

"I never got out much."

"Did you get carpal tunnel?"

Capa laughed, and Mace couldn't help smiling.  But he caught himself and hardened his face.  "Listen...I should really check on the..."  Since he really didn't have anything to check on, he let his voice trail off.

"Right," said Capa.

*    *    *

Capa had been sleeping when someone attacked him.  The someone had him pinned to his bed, and Capa flailed about to try and free himself.

"Don't fight."


Mace pressed his lips to Capa's neck, and Capa stopped flailing.  The lips moved to his collarbone, and Capa shivered.  And when Mace slid his hand up Capa's shirt, he said, "Stop."

"But why?  I need this, Capa.  Don't you need it too?"

"I--"  Mace put a hand on Capa's groin and began to rub it through the fabric of his pants.

"Don't you just want to feel someone?"

Capa said it in a breath: "Yes."  And Mace continued to rub until Capa started bucking, and then Mace untied Capa's drawstring sleeping pants; he pulled them down just low enough to do what he wanted.  Spitting into his hand and rubbing it on himself, he shoved himself just slightly into Capa.  

The other man was caught off guard and sucked in his breath.  "We're doing that?"


"But you'll hurt me."

"I'll go slowly."  Mace slid in further, and Capa whimpered.  When he shoved himself in all the way, Capa gave a shout.  But once Mace began thrusting at a steady pace, Capa only breathed heavily.

"Touch me," he said.  "Touch me or I'll make you get out of me."  Though Mace knew that Capa couldn't get him out if he wanted to, Mace wrapped a hand about his arousal and began to stroke it while he thrusted.  Capa closed his eyes, threw his head back, and moaned.

When Capa came, he breathed Mace's name over and over again, sending Mace over the edge as well.  They shook against each other, and when Mace pulled out of Capa, he rolled over and started laughing.  He laughed so hard he cried, and Capa knew it must have been one of those strange reactions to orgasm that some people had.

"Are you okay?" he said.

"Yeah," Mace answered, wiping at his eyes with one finger.  "Sometimes I laugh after sex.  I was with a girl once who cried, and boy, that was weird."

Capa chuckled, which sent Mace into another bout of laughter.  He turned to face Capa and wrapped his arms about the other man.  Capa rested his chin in the dip between Mace's neck and shoulder and went back to sleep.

*    *    *

They had completed their mission.  The payload had been delivered; they had reignited the sun.  But they were dying.

Icarus had told them how long they had, but Capa couldn't remember.  He was sitting on the metal floor of one of the corridors--which one, he didn't know.  His breathing was strained; he was wheezing and feeling pain in his chest.  He couldn't see straight, and his peripheral vision was nonexistent.  He knew he was about to die, and that was all he could think about.

He felt something touch his hand, and his whole body jerked and slid to the left.


The something was a hand, and it touched his wrist and slid up to his shoulder.  When Capa didn't move, it slid to the side of his face.

"Capa...I need you..."

It was Mace.  He moved in front of Capa with some difficulty and tried to move onto his knees, but he fell into the other man, panting and wheezing.  He wrapped his arms about Capa and gripped the back of his shirt.  Capa's eyes were wide and dry, and when the tears came they burned.

"I think I'm going to...pass out..." he tried to speak but only whispered.  He couldn't feel the bottoms of his feet or the palms of his hands, and he was feeling dizzy.

Mace whispered, "I love you," but Capa couldn't say it back.  He could only whimper in a broken voice.  He wanted to wrap his arms around Mace, but he hadn't the strength.

"I'm...I'm..."  Everything was slowing down; Mace's chest heaved, and his lips moved, in slow motion.  Capa couldn't hear anything but a dull tone growing louder and louder.  And when he closed his eyes, he saw Mace laughing.

Mace would soon be dead as well, but he knew however long it took, it would be too long.  He wanted to be with Capa, wherever he had gone.  He used to hope that there was nothing after death, that the soul died with the body, that he wouldn't have to feel anything ever again.  But now he wished fervently he would somehow see Capa again.  Because Capa...Capa was all that mattered.

X-posted to capaslash


Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: August 25th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)

Awwww that was so good :)and Mace was so sweet, I really think Cassie should have died in Mace's place. But this fic makes up for it! I take my hat off to you

Posted by: japanesenut (japanesenut)
Posted at: May 7th, 2013 02:12 am (UTC)

I'm conflicted...this was so sad but so hot at the same time hahaha

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